


A Language He Can't Read Just Yet

by sperrywink



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Post-College, Fluff, M/M, Missing All The Signs, Misunderstandings, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:11:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3686595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>How I wish you could see the potential</i>
  <br/>
  <i>The potential of you and me</i>
  <br/>
  <i>It's like a book elegantly bound</i>
  <br/>
  <i>But in a language that you can't read just yet</i>
</p><p>-I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie</p><p>Alternate Universe. Carlos grows up, while missing all the signs. (Not a songfic.)</p><p>
  <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3686688">Artwork by DeJester</a>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Language He Can't Read Just Yet

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Small Fandom Big Bang](http://smallfandombang.livejournal.com/) community challenge over on Livejournal. Thanks to the mods for the opportunity to play. beta'd by Jujitsuelf with my eternal gratitude. Amazing artwork is by Dejester. Totally brings the story to life. [Artwork!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3686688)

As he was pushed to the ground by one of the football players ringing around him, Carlos spat out, “Puta,” and came up swinging. He got a couple of good hits in before teachers were swarming over to them, and splitting them up. Carlos knew the football players would get a slap on the wrist, and he would get detention, even though the football players had attacked him. It was just how things worked in their small Connecticut town.

He did get detention, but he let it wash off his back. He couldn’t change the system.

Carlos was in the honors classes, but he didn’t fit in with his ripped jacket and tough demeanor. He wasn’t the only poor, Mexican-American in his classes, there were a couple of Mexican-American girls in honors classes too, but they were trying to distance themselves from the slum they lived in, and wouldn’t give him the time of day. Not that he cared. He was trying to claw his way out too. He had four younger sisters, all of whom were smarter than him, and deserved to go to college. He meant to see they got the chance come hell or high water.

Luckily, Carlos’ best classes were math and physics, and he liked them. He was working towards getting a scholarship to college to pursue engineering. This way he could get a decent job, and could help his parents afford tuition for the girls, who were six years to ten years younger than him. He was just glad for the large age gap. If it had been shorter he would have had to join the army in order to help his parents afford tuition for the girls, and not go to college at all. And everyone knew that being a private paid shit.

Unluckily, their town was a mixed bag of rich and poor, with no middle ground, and the poorer students were ridiculed mercilessly by the rich ones. It was no wonder very few made it into the honor’s classes. Everyone in them had to have balls of steel to put up with all the taunts and jibes, let alone the physical bullying. At least in the regular classes there was safety in numbers.

Back to Carlos’ current problem, which wasn’t his new detention, even though his parents would give him hell for it. In order to get his scholarship, all his grades had to be good, not just math and science. Unfortunately this meant English too, which was his worst class. Writing papers was torture, and now they would have to do a pairs project worth a third of their grade? He figured he would get stuck with some snide asshole, and it would be total hell. This detention would become the first in a string of them.

The teacher started alphabetically, so in short order she called out, “Carlos Alvarez and Jake Jensen.” Snickers went around the room, but Carlos was cautiously optimistic. Ever since coming out, Jake Jensen was not one of the in-crowd. He had no social currency to save face for, so maybe they would be able to work together. Jensen turned around in his seat slowly, and looked back at Carlos. His face was inscrutable, but Carlos nodded anyway. Jensen nodded back, and then turned back towards the front.

The teacher continued calling out names, and then started her lesson, although Carlos found it hard to concentrate, instead staring at the back of Jensen’s head. Finally, the teacher finished, and gave them the final ten minutes of class to discuss the project with their partners. Desks shifted as students exchanged places. Everyone was ditching their desks around Carlos, and moving to other parts of the room, leaving a wide berth around his desk. Carlos stayed where he was, figuring Jensen would come to him. No sense looking too eager, even though he was curious about the other boy.

Jensen slowly packed his things, and then made his way to Carlos’ desk. His reluctance was obvious, and Carlos suddenly had a bad feeling about Jensen broiling in his chest. Jensen dropped his things in the seat in front of Carlos, and then turned a defiant face up. He said, “I know what people like you think. I’m not some sucker who’s going to do all the work.”

Red-hot fury spiked through Carlos, and he leaned forward, gripping the edges of his desk tight. Not bothering to lower his voice, he replied, “You think I threatened my way into these classes? That I’m just some Mexican trash that will ride your coattails, you damned, ignorant imbécil?”

The teacher gasped, and exclaimed, “Alvarez!” but Carlos had eyes for no one but Jensen, who appeared speechless. 

Making a snap decision, he said, “We’ll do Taming of the Shrew, I’ll have my part to you next week.” With one final, withering look at Jensen, Carlos stormed out of the classroom, his teacher calling out after him. Too upset to talk, Carlos slipped out of the building and around the corner to start the walk home. He was too angry to stay, and for the first time ever, he skipped class.

* * *

As promised by the end of the following week, Carlos had a rough draft for his half of the report. It helped that he was given detention by his English teacher for his outburst and skipping out, on top of his detention for fighting, so had the quiet time in the detention hall after school for the whole week to work on it. The other kids generally gave him space, except for the assholes who congratulated on showing “the homo” his place. Carlos didn’t correct them, but didn’t encourage them either, and was soon left alone.

Jensen had tried to speak to him a couple of times, but Carlos always shut him down. There was nothing Jensen could say to make Carlos want to be near him. Friday rolled around, and Carlos found Jensen at his locker before homeroom. He slammed the locker next to Jensen’s, making Jensen jump and twitch. He got a brief feeling of satisfaction, and then roiling shame for falling into the stereotype. He was better than this.

Shaking off the feelings to delve into later when he was alone, Carlos blanked his face. Jensen was gaping at him, so he took Jensen’s hand, and slapped a flash drive into it. “My half of the report. I expect your half in one week.”

“The report isn’t due for a month!”

“One week,” Carlos replied as he pointed at Jensen, and backed away into the stream of students.

Thankfully, one week later, with less fanfare, Jensen dropped the flash drive onto Cougar’s desk at the beginning of English class. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then just shook his head, and went to sit at his desk.

Carlos was relieved, but also oddly taken aback. He reminded himself that Jensen was the asshole, not him. Even if it felt the other way around. After school he opened the flash drive and found two files, one the group project paper with both their sections, and the other just a text file. Inside it simply said, “I’m sorry.”

Carlos wanted to scoff, but he knew that was the unforgiving asshole part of him; the part of him that made him feel like the wrongdoer, instead of the other way around. Besides, he had been given no indication that Jensen was a false kind of person. He said what he meant and meant what he said. So if he said he was sorry, he must mean it.

Which did make Carlos the asshole for being unforgiving, but then he remembered all the bigger assholes in his school, and cut himself some slack. Maybe things with Jensen would have gone better in another world, Carlos would deal with this one where they just weren’t destined for more than reluctant partners.

* * *

Carlos’ family was so proud when he graduated high school. His Ma and Pa sat on the sweltering hot stands of the football field, and watched him walk up to get his empty diploma case (they mailed the real diploma). He would have skipped it, but it was too important to them. His Ma even cried. He was more excited about the scholarship he had received for the small, technical, state college nearby.

He would be living at home, which sucked, but if he wanted to get through with minimal debt, that was the way it had to be. Since he still planned to help put his sisters through the best universities money could buy, and let them have the quintessential college experience with clubs and sororities, not struggling for book money and living at home, he didn’t mind giving it up for himself. Anyway, it would help keep him focused on school, and keeping his scholarship.

He got his schedule settled over the summer. He would be taking English (ugh!), analytical geometry, physics, mechanical drawing, and intro to engineering. His physics and math classes were advanced due to his AP classes in high school. The first day of classes he got the shock of his life when he saw Jensen’s blond head in his physics lecture. Small state schools was not where rich kids went to college. They went to MIT or CalTech, if they were technically inclined, not here.

Shaking off his shock, and averting his face before Jensen saw him, Carlos settled in the fifth row, out of Jensen’s line of sight.

Right after the first test, which Carlos was one of the few to ace, he was invited to a study group by a girl named Karen. He figured it couldn’t hurt, so he agreed. He soon regretted it when she took him to a study room in the library, and Jensen was there. They both froze when they caught sight of each other. Then Carlos was shaking it off, and saying, “I don’t think this is going to work out. Sorry.”

He started backing out to stunned looks from Karen and the other girl in the room, but then Jensen was jumping up, and holding out a hand in entreaty. “Alvarez! Wait!”

Carlos stopped, but didn’t really understand why, except for the _something_ in Jensen’s voice.

Jensen said, “I know you don’t want to work with me, but I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did. Please stay. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Carlos looked Jensen in the eye, and all he could see was sincerity. Slowly he set his backpack down on a free chair, and said, “Okay.”

Jensen slumped in relief as he said, “Okay? Okay! That’s great. We were just working on the problem set. Number three is a bitch.”

Settling into a seat, Carlos took out his own problem set, and flipped to the third problem. Karen settled next to him, and conversation slowly resumed. Carlos didn’t say much, unless it was about physics. He still felt uncomfortable, and sort of regretted agreeing to stay, but didn’t see a way to bow out gracefully now that he was here.

After an hour, the other girl suddenly threw down her pencil, and glaring at Carlos, said, “I’ve had enough. I’m not going to work with someone so blatantly homophobic.”

Jensen exclaimed, “Becky!”

Carlos slowly lowered his own pencil. Wondering what new hell was opening for him courtesy of Jensen, he replied, “I’m not homophobic.” 

He didn’t bother offering more, although he could have. Like how his first kiss was Miguel Sanchez in seventh grade. His second kiss had been with Jessica Charters, which had gone much better, but this had more to do with her experience, and Miguel’s sloppy delivery, than gender. Hell, at this point in his life he had had more gay sex than straight sex, which wasn’t exactly saying much since he had had sex a total of seven times, but it still stood as fact.

“Please. You’ve barely looked at Jensen, and you flinch away from him.”

Jensen put a palm over his face, and hissed, “Becky! Shut up.”

Becky did not shut up, and seemed even more angry that Jensen wasn’t supporting her. “Why are you defending him? I’m doing this for you!”

Lifting his face, Jensen was blushing fiercely, but his voice was even when he said, “No, you’re not. He isn’t homophobic, he’s uncomfortable because I was a racist asshole, okay?”

Becky looked shocked. “I don’t believe that!”

“What, it’s easier to believe he’s homophobic, than I was a dick?”

Not wanting to get into it, and seeing his chance for escape, Carlos began packing up his things. He said, “I’ll go.”

Jensen turned beseeching eyes towards him, and said, “You really don’t have to.”

Standing up and throwing his backpack over his shoulder, Carlos just said, “I need to study.” He didn’t turn back to look at Jensen’s face when he left.

* * *

Carlos continued to see Jensen and the others around campus and in class, but he just nodded at them when their paths crossed, and they didn’t approach him again. Jensen looked like he wanted to, since he always nodded back with an encouraging smile, but Carlos was glad he didn’t follow it up with conversation. He wasn’t sure what there was to still say between them, and he had classes to concentrate on.

Finishing off the year with all As except a B in English, Carlos felt good about his first year of college. His grades meant that he still qualified for his scholarship, and they got him a research assistantship with one of his engineering professors for the summer. He wouldn’t make a large sum of money, but enough to keep him in coffee and chocolate for the coming year.

His second year started off well, particularly since the dreaded English was behind him. He even got to relax and take Spanish as his foreign language study, which gave him a break from all the upper level math and engineering he was taking.

It wasn’t until Thanksgiving break that Carlos saw Jensen again, since they didn’t share any classes this semester. It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and he was picking up some last minute things for their Thanksgiving dinner for his Ma. By the frozen food aisle he ran into Jensen and Becky. He couldn’t keep his “Oh!” of surprise silent, so they turned to him. Jensen smiled, but Becky just nodded with a neutral expression.

Jensen said, “Hey, man.”

Carlos said hello back, but his eyes were fixed on their shopping basket. It had two frozen dinners, a bottle of sparkling cider, a premade pumpkin pie, and that was it. It was the saddest display of Thanksgiving he had ever seen. Flicking his gaze up to them, he watched as Becky crossed her arms defensively. He wanted to leave it there, and just go about his shopping, but something compelled him to say, “If you don’t have any other plans, you can come to my house for Thanksgiving. My Ma always cooks too much.”

Jensen said the expected, “Thanks, but that’s okay. We wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

Becky, on the other hand, elbowed Jensen, and said, “We’d love to!”

They then turned toward each other, and had an intense, silent conversation. Carlos could see how well they knew each other by it, and how close they were. He would have wondered if they were lovers, but Jensen had come out as gay, not bisexual . Although now that he thought about it, high school declarations couldn’t be considered eternal, so maybe.

Before he could get caught up in wondering, Jensen gave a small nod, and turned back to Carlos to say, “That would be very kind of you.”

Carlos, resigned to doing his good deed, said, “Let me give you the address. We normally eat around two.”

Jensen handed over his phone, and Carlos typed his address and phone number into Jensen’s contacts, and then returned it. He said, “I have to finish my shopping. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Becky waved cheerfully, almost too cheerfully, and Carlos gave her a confused look as he waved back, before heading down the baking aisle.

* * *

His Ma was ridiculously excited that Carlos was having people over for Thanksgiving. He tried to explain that they were just schoolmates, not really friends, but it fell on deaf ears. He was afraid of what she would say to Jensen and Becky, afraid she would imply he was a loser with no friends, but there was nothing he could do to stop them meeting now.

Shortly before two, the doorbell rang, and Carlos got up to answer it, along with his two youngest sisters, who were always as curious as cats. As expected it was Jensen and Becky, Jensen looking as nervous as Carlos felt. Becky handed over two bottles of the sparkling cider, and Carlos took them with a smile, and a quiet, “Thanks.”

Jensen said, “We didn’t want to come empty-handed.”

Carlos nodded, and said, “Ma will appreciate the gesture. Come on in.” He handed one bottle to each of his sisters, and they ran off giggling towards the kitchen.

Carlos introduced Jensen and Becky to his family, aunts and uncles included, and by the time they were finished it was time to eat. Because of their numbers, Carlos, Jensen, and Becky were moved to the kids table, which Carlos was thankful for. There was less chance of awkward conversation this way. Or so he thought. As it turned out, his younger sisters could be shameless interrogators. 

First it was giggling Rosa asking Becky, “So are you Carlos’ girlfriend?”

Becky said a choking, “No,” and Carlos put his hand over his eyes, and shook his head. 

He gave the stink eye to Rosa, but Maria was already asking Jensen, “So does that make you Becky’s boyfriend?”

Carlos groaned, and said, “I told you, no one is anyone’s girlfriend or boyfriend. We’re just schoolmates.”

Becky was giving him a weird look, but he was too busy being distracted by Rosa to pay attention to her. Rosa was saying, “Well that’s no fun. College is not like TV at all.”

Frowning, Carlos asked, “What TV show are you watching with college students? I thought Ma and Pa were only letting you watch an hour of TV a day, and you had chosen cartoons?”

Maria hit Rosa, who retaliated, until Carlos’ had to threaten to tell Pa. He then leveled a serious look at them, but it was Magdalena who spoke up in a bored tone. “They’ve been watching Beverly Hills, 90210 reruns over at Betty’s.” Now Rosa and Maria were glaring at Magdalena, but being older, she just flipped her hair, and glared back.

Carlos frowned, but only said, “We’ll talk about this later.” Maria sighed dramatically and both her and Rosa slumped in their seats, but just then the pie was served, which perked them right back up. Their Ma made the best pies.

As it turned out, after dinner Jensen got along with Carlos’ younger sisters like a house on fire. They settled down to play a couple board games, and he was playful and fun, and made them laugh so loud, they kept getting shushed by his Pa. Even Carlos couldn’t keep his laughter inside. It was weird, though. Whenever he laughed, Jensen would twist to watch him with an intense, intimate look on his face. Carlos didn’t know what to make of it. It made him self-conscious, and he began choking back the laughter, although it would still burst out of him when Jensen did something too surprisingly funny.

He had wondered about integrating Jensen and Becky into his family affair, but they handled themselves well, and when they were making their leave the lateness of the hour took him by surprise. He escorted them to the door, and said, “Thanks for coming. You really made my sisters’ day.”

With a smirk, Becky asked, “Your sisters who want to hook you up desperately?”

Jensen said, “Becky!” 

Carlos just smirked, and let the sudden tension between them slide off his back. He was too relaxed to get into some war of words with Becky. “They love romance, what can I say.”

Becky looked disappointed, but Jensen was already pulling her out the door, with a final, “Thank you!”

* * *

Three weeks later, finals were going strong and Carlos was brain-dead from studying every moment. He was surprised when his phone vibrated with an incoming text at near midnight. Considering it was late, and his family were all safe and sound and asleep, he raised an eyebrow at his chirping phone. There were actually two texts:

Jensen: “Would you like to go out?”

Jensen: “Ignore that. It was Becky.”

Carlos raised his eyebrows even higher. He was pretty sure Becky still didn’t like him. He texted back. “Becky was asking me out?”

Immediately came back a, “NO!!!”

Then, “Becky again.”

And then, “She’s punchy from finals. Ignore her.”

Totally confused now, Carlos waited to see if there would be more texts from Jensen, but there weren’t so he shrugged, and went back to studying. He briefly wondered if they were drunk-texting him or what, and regretted sharing his phone number, but decided it wasn’t worth any action unless it happened again.

It didn’t, and he forgot about it.

* * *

Carlos’ second year wrapped up, and he maintained high enough grades to keep his scholarship, getting a 4.0 for the year this time around. Thank god for Spanish instead of English. He had the same research assistantship in the Engineering department that he had the previous summer. Carlos’ had enjoyed last year’s project on lasers, and he was eager to continue the work.

He also enjoyed the campus free of most of its students. When it was packed with students playing Frisbee, and goofing off on the quad, he always felt a pang of longing. He didn’t have the luxury of playing around. He was here to study and prepare the way for his sisters. He had to keep his eye on the prize. Some girls flirted with him in class, and some guys as well, but he couldn’t pursue a relationship living at home, and studying to maintain his 4.0. Sometimes Carlos felt down about it, but he just needed to look at his sisters working hard on their homework to snap him out of it. He had bigger goals than frat parties.

So he told himself to toughen up, and ate his lunch alone on the quad grass. At least the weather was nice now that it was summer. One day in early July a shadow fell across him, and Jensen asked, “Mind if I sit with you?”

Carlos looked up in surprise, but still found himself making a welcoming gesture. As Jensen settled next to him, unpacking his own lunch, Carlos almost regretted his impulsive acceptance. He didn’t have the same animosity for Jensen he had felt in high school, but he didn’t know what they would talk about for the next hour alone either.

He needn’t have worried. Jensen, it turned out, could talk enough for three people. Carlos just needed to make appreciative faces, and insert the occasional, “Hmm?”

That first day Jensen didn’t talk about anything personal, just general comments about his internship and his classes, but Carlos’ lunch hour still passed more quickly than they usually did when he was alone.

As Jensen continued to join him for lunch, they eventually got onto more personal topics. One day as they were discussing the pros and cons of their college, Carlos asked, “So why didn’t you go to MIT or someplace like that? You’re definitely smart enough.”

“Same as anybody; better financial aid and less debt.”

Carlos blurted out, “But you’re rich,” before he could stop himself, and think about how rude it sounded.

Jensen just smiled wryly. “No, my parents, who I don’t talk to any more, are rich. I’m just your average joe trying to get through college with as little debt as possible.”

“Why don’t you talk to your parents? I couldn’t do that. My Ma would hunt me down, and drag me back home.”

“Well, your Ma is one in a million. Let’s just say that my parents and I don’t see eye to eye on a number of things, including my sexuality. It’s okay. I still have my sister.”

“Do you live with her?” Carlos asked, but then thought that didn’t make sense. Jensen and Becky wouldn’t have been alone for Thanksgiving if that was the case.

“No, she lives in New Hampshire.”

“That’s not too far.”

“Yeah, it’s okay. We see each other every couple of months, which is just enough to not get tired of each other.”

Carlos found himself admitting, “I’m sorry you don’t get along with your parents, but I’m glad you have your sister. I don’t know what I’d do without my family.”

Looking wistful, Jensen said, “I could see that over Thanksgiving. You’re all close.”

Thinking of his sisters and their incessant need to know all of his business, and his curfew despite being in college, Carlos said, “Too close sometimes, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.” And he wouldn’t. His family meant everything to him. He would do anything for them; was doing all this for them.

* * *

As they continued their lunches together, Carlos relaxed more and more with Jensen. Jensen had a wacky sense of humor and a motor-mouth, but he was entertaining and good-hearted. It almost felt like there were two Jensens in Carlos’ mind. The one who insulted him In high school, and the one here now. When he tried to reconcile the two in his mind, it was like there was a big disconnect.

Among other things, this meant that Carlos started opening up a bit more about his own life. When they were discussing dorm-life, which Jensen had enjoyed and hated in equal measure, Jensen casually asked, “So is that why you live at home? To avoid all the drama?”

“It is an advantage of that. But, no. I need to live at home since my scholarship only covers tuition.”

Hesitantly, Jensen offered, “There are student loans?”

“I can’t have any debt. Once I graduate, I need to start saving to put my sisters through college. They’re the ones who should get to live it up; enjoy dorms and college drama.”

“Don’t you have four sisters? Are you planning on getting them all through college by yourself?” Jensen looked incredulous, but also impressed. 

Carlos could tell him how it was a slog some days, but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “Well, my parents will help, of course, but, yes. I need to get out and earn as much money as I can to afford their tuitions and fees.”

“That’s a long road to hoe.”

Carlos just nodded with a grimace. He knew what he was in for, and sometimes it was daunting considering the next ten or fifteen years. Thankfully, maybe guessing Carlos’ thoughts, Jensen turned the conversation back to dorm life, and the time he got locked out by his roommate.

* * *

All things considered, this had been an almost idyllic summer for Carlos. He had his laser project, which was fascinating, and lunches with Jensen, which were fascinating in another way. He had never had any close friends outside of his family, so having Jensen’s attention was gratifying and enjoyable, and made the summer pass quickly because of the novelty.

On Friday of the final week in August, Carlos nonchalantly said, “So I’ll see you Monday.”

A complex series of expressions flickered across Jensen’s face. “Ah, actually not. I’m transferring to State University for my last two years. I’m heading up early to get settled.”

Shocked, all Carlos could do was stutter out, “Good luck?”

Jensen gave a wry smile, and nodded. “Thanks. It’s a better program, and they gave me great financial aid, and, well, it’s just time for a change. Time to stop coasting through life, and live it. You know what I mean?” 

Jensen wasn’t looking at him, which was a striking change from usual. Carlos had become used to Jensen’s intense stare boring into him. It made him feel like everything he said was important, so he missed it now. Still, Carlos did know what Jensen meant. His life would be on hold for the next ten years at the very least. He wouldn’t change it for the world; his sisters were worth every bit of it, but sometimes he wished he could have had it both ways. Giving his own half-hearted smile, he said, “Sure.”

Jensen finally looked him in the eyes again, and softly said, “I guess you do. So, yeah, I’ll see you around.” Standing up, Jensen brushed grass off his jeans, and waved good-bye.

Carlos waved back, and watched him go. Having Jensen disappear to University felt like a greater loss than some short, summer conversations should, and he didn’t understand it. He always felt like he was missing a piece of the puzzle where Jensen was concerned.

* * *

The next year and a half flew by in sleep-deprivation, and rushing from school to work to school. By senior year, his classes were harder since he was taking some graduate classes, and Carlos needed to study every moment he was free. He was working at the gas station to help pay for dance lessons for the girls, and between those two things, he had no time to worry about Jensen. Still, he found thoughts crossing his mind every now and then, about how he was doing at State, and whether he was living it up. He hated himself for it, but he envied Jensen, particularly on the days he was getting four hours of sleep. 

On his twenty-first birthday, after getting off work late, sitting alone in his room, he idly scrolled through his contacts stopping on Jensen’s name. What would he say, though? It’s been forever, but how are you doing? I’m legal to drink, but have no one to take me out to celebrate? How about he go on about how tired he was, and how the next three months were going to be torture? He scoffed at his phone, and threw it on the pillow next to him. Covering his eyes with one arm, he let the feelings wash over him, hoping they would go away faster that way. 

They didn’t.

* * *

When Carlos graduated college, even his Pa cried. No one in his family had ever graduated high school, let alone college. He had hoped to go on and get his masters; he just needed another year, but he couldn’t afford it now that he didn’t have a scholarship any more. So he took the best paying job he could find, which ended up being three hours away in Philadelphia.

He found a shitty studio in West Philadelphia, and bought a sofa-bed. He could have afforded better technically, but now was the time to save his money for Magdalena’s college fund. She was a sophomore in high school now, and her grades were blowing Carlos’ out of the water. He was so proud of her, it was worth the cockroaches and the thin walls.

Finally living on his own, he had the freedom to date. Unfortunately, he was working a second job at the movie theater as assistant night manager, so he still didn’t have the time. So, every now and then when the loneliness would get to him, and he felt hollow inside, he’d go to a bar and pick up a guy, or get picked up by a guy for the night, no strings attached. It was easier to do this with guys than with girls, and since he still wasn’t exactly picky about the gender of his partners, it helped alleviate his lonely feelings.

The first six months in Philadelphia passed quietly in this way. When Christmas rolled around, he took a week off from both his jobs, so he could head back north for the holiday. He was eager to see his family. He hadn’t realized just how much he would miss them.

On the Saturday before Christmas, he packed a bag, and despite the freezing rain and chilly weather, headed for 30th Street Station and Amtrak. He slipped and slid the whole way there, but didn’t think anything of it. Of course, it was just his luck that when he got there, all the trains were canceled due to ice on the tracks. His shoulders slumped, and he dropped his bag. He called his Ma to tell her the bad news, and she said it was for the best anyway. Further north it was so bad there was a state of emergency. 

He agreed to come up as soon as the weather was better, and picked up his bag to head back to his apartment. On his way to the exit, he stopped in shock before one of the figures slumped on the long benches, and said, “Jensen?”

When the man looked up, it was Jensen, Carlos would know those blue eyes anywhere, and he looked dejected. He straightened up, almost standing up, but being pulled short by the straps of his large duffel. Slumping back on the bench, he ran a hand through his hair, and said, “Carlos, wow, hey.” He didn’t smile.

Still a bit shocked to see Jensen, and at how he had beefed-up and grown taller, but oddly happy about seeing him too, Carlos asked, “Do you live in Philly too?”

“No, Atlanta, but my flight got diverted due to the weather, so I made my way here hoping for a train the rest of the way. My sister is pregnant, so I wanted to see her.” He waved unnecessarily at the board that just said, “Canceled,” next to all trains, and Carlos nodded. 

Sitting next to Jensen, Carlos said, “I was hoping to go home too. My Ma says it’s worse up north though. I don’t think it will be safe to go for a while.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured out.” Jensen looked away, and Carlos suddenly realized the extent of Jensen’s predicament. He was stuck in a strange city with nowhere to go.

Carlos lightly clapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Come on. You can crash with me until trains are running again. It’ll be better than sleeping here, or at the airport.” He stood up, and picked up his bag with one hand, while holding the other out for Jensen.

Jensen ran his hand through his hair again, looking down at his feet. “I can’t put you out like that.”

Carlos wiggled his hand. “It’s no imposition. It’s good to see you again. We can catch up.”

Jensen looked from his hand to his face a couple of times. “If you’re sure?”

“Positive.”

Jensen smiled finally, if a bit wanly, and Carlos wondered how long Jensen had been traveling now. His usual exuberant personality was very dimmed.

They made their slippery way back to Carlos’ apartment, and Carlos led Jensen up the three flights to his studio. Once inside looking at the folded bedding, Carlos was reminded he had changed his sheets, and washed his blankets before heading out, wanting clean bedding on his return. He was glad for it now. He said, “There’s only the one sofa-bed, but it’s a double so plenty of room.”

“Oh,” Jensen said, sounding weird about it.

Carlos turned to look at him, and raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t imagine Jensen of all people would be uncomfortable sleeping next to a guy, even if they weren’t going to have sex. He had watched Jensen flirt heavily in college, and he assumed that had lead somewhere, some of the time. So he was surprised, when, with a pained look, Jensen said, “I can’t do this.”

“It’s no problem, really.”

“No, seriously, thanks for the offer. It was very nice of you, but I’ll find a hotel or something.”

Carlos would have been mad, but it looked like Jensen was going to cry at any moment. It was such a foreign look on his face, Carlos was deeply worried. “It’s too icy out. I don’t understand what the problem is. Jensen?”

He took a step towards Jensen, but Jensen backed away from him, until he bumped into the wall. Carlos stopped advancing, but he was glad he was between Jensen and his duffel bag. He had a feeling Jensen would have bolted out the door already, if he still had it in hand. Jensen said, “You don’t want to know.”

Watching Jensen closely, Carlos thought about what to say. He wanted to get it right. He felt like they were on different wavelengths, and the wrong thing would send Jensen running into the night. But then Jensen had always been inscrutable to Carlos. “I want you to stay. If I have to know to make that happen, then tell me.”

Jensen’s breath hitched, almost on a sob, and he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I’m in love with you.” 

Carlos blinked. As the silence stretched, he fumbled for words. Finally, he got out, “Excuse me?”

A torrent of words spilled out of Jensen’s mouth. Carlos was having trouble following it all. “I’ve been in love with you forever, ever since high school. I thought I could get over you, go to State, sleep around, get it out of my system, but it just made me lonelier. Being around you made me feel peaceful. It’s in my gut, you know? Just this feeling of calm comes over me, and I don’t feel so jittery and out-of-whack. I told myself I was over you, it’s been years since we saw each other, but I even feel it today. But you have no idea what I’m talking about; you’re totally straight, and totally not into me, and that’s the problem. I can’t go on like this.”

At a bit of a loss, Carlos said, “You couldn’t have been in love with me. You insulted me.”

Jensen looked at the ceiling with a grimace. “Are you ever going to let that go? I was stupid and fifteen, what more can I say?”

“Wait, you were fifteen? So you’re only nineteen now?”

“I skipped a couple grades, and it’s beside the point. Can I have my duffel, please?” Jensen gave him a pleading look.

Carlos was having none of it. He wrapped the duffel’s strap around his hand, and said, “No, you can’t. We’re going to talk.”

“Carlos!”

“No, why did you insult me if you had feelings for me? I don’t understand any of this.”

Jensen slumped further against the wall. “Remember Michael Summers?” 

“The one who was into comic books?”

“No, that was Sunter. Summers is the one who hung around with the drama department.”

Carlos vaguely remembered a dark-haired boy with a smirk, so he nodded.

“He was my lab partner junior year. I was totally infatuated with him, and I ended up doing all of our lab reports, while he took the credit. I was such a fool, but I didn’t care because I thought I was in love, since we kissed in the janitor’s closet a couple times. He’s the one who outed me to the school.”

“I thought you outed yourself?”

“Yeah, that’s what I wanted everyone to think, not that I got played by the biggest player in school.”

Things clicked for Carlos. “So it was a preemptive strike against me?”

“Exactly. You defended Margarita from the in-crowd, and caught my attention, but I knew I couldn’t trust myself, so I refused to believe you were that good of a guy. So I stood my ground, and pissed you off.” Jensen was staring at the floor as if he could dig a hole through it with his gaze.

Overwhelmed with all this information, and how wrong he had been about all of their interactions, at a loss to say anything else, Carlos said, “I’m not still pissed at you.” 

Jensen exploded up, and away from the wall, walking in tight circles. “Oh my god! Okay, already! But that doesn’t mean I should stay!”

“It doesn’t mean you should leave either!” Carlos made sure to tighten his grip on Jensen’s duffel.

Jensen glared at him.

Carlos regrouped his thoughts, and closed his eyes, as he took a big breath. “Look. I’m not letting you go wandering around, and getting hurt on the ice. And, really, it sounds like we should talk more, not less. Please?”

They stared at each other for long moments. Carlos wanted to cross his fingers, he felt so unsure of what Jensen would do. Finally, Jensen broke away first. He walked past Carlos and slumped on the sofa. “Okay.”

Cautiously, Carlos let go of Jensen’s duffel, and sat down next to him. They both looked forward at the wall with the hand-drawn pictures from his sisters that Carlos had tacked up. Maria’s were particularly good, but he cherished all of them. He knew Jensen couldn’t have anything like these pictures in his apartment, and he felt a pang of sadness for him.

Shaking his head, Carlos refocused. He knew it was up to him to continue, but he was still wrapping his head around everything. Finally he said, “But after Thanksgiving, why didn’t you ask me out, or talk to me, something? We spent the whole summer having lunch together.” He turned to look at Jensen.

Jensen rolled his eyes. “You’re straight.”

“No, I’m not.”

Jensen’s head whipped around so fast, Carlos heard his neck click. He winced in sympathy. Jensen sputtered. “That’s -what?”

“I never really labeled myself, but I’m definitely not straight.”

Jensen searched his face, and then smiled small and bitterly. “But not in love with me.”

Carlos fiercely hated that look on Jensen’s face. He turned on the sofa, so he was facing Jensen, and reached out and touched Jensen’s arm lightly. He let a simple, but intimate truth out. “Hey. I’ve never been in love with anyone. I’ve never had the luxury.” 

Jensen searched his face, and Carlos let it every jumbled emotion show, regardless of how exposed it made him feel. This was too important a moment, and one he finally recognized. Jensen cautiously asked, “So what are you saying?”

“Stay, and give me some time to figure out my feelings. I can’t promise anything, but I’m…,” and Carlos couldn’t find the words to finish. He wasn’t uninterested? He was willing to try? He had thought about Jensen far more than he should have in the past, and all these memories of it happening were rushing forward now? So he finally shook his head, as if to shake it free of his thoughts, and touched Jensen’s arm again. “Just stay.”

Jensen looked down at his arm where Carlos was touching him, and took a deep breath. “Okay.”

* * *

Carlos wasn’t surprised to wake up in the morning with Jensen’s arms wrapped around him, although they had started the night on far sides of the bed due to Jensen’s nervousness. If he had thought about it beforehand, he would have assumed Jensen was a cuddler. He was a very touchy-feely kind of guy from what Carlos had observed, at least with his friends. He also realized again, he must have paid more attention to Jensen than he realized to have noticed that. He gave a soft sigh. How could he have been so blind?

He felt Jensen stirring behind him, and then freezing. Carlos twisted his head around with a soft smile. “It’s okay.” He made sure not to jostle Jensen’s arms away from him. Jensen still pulled away, and Carlos missed the warmth. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been cuddled, and it was like his skin had been soaking up the contact. He sighed softly to himself, and sat up.

Jensen was already getting out of bed, murmuring about the bathroom. Carlos let him go without question. It wasn’t really his place to put boundaries on their contact; it was Jensen’s since he had the greater depth of feelings, and could be really hurt.

Carlos got out of bed too, and stretched. He went to the window to check on the weather, and saw that it had at least stopped snowing overnight. He would have to check the news to see if the temperatures would rise above freezing today.

Jensen came cautiously out of the bathroom then, and Carlos slid by him to enter it with a smile. He knew he was probably being too cautious, but he also knew he didn’t want to lose this chance with Jensen because of carelessness. He just needed a bit of time to see if he would feel the same depth of emotion that Jensen felt.

After using the bathroom, Carlos shuffled back out to the main room to find that Jensen had refolded the bedding and made it a sofa again. He said, “Thanks,” and Jensen nodded at him with a grin, but then looked lost.

Carlos asked, “Breakfast?”

Jensen brightened again. “If it’s no trouble.”

“I’m pretty sure I have eggs and frozen sausage, luckily. I got rid of the milk because I thought I would be gone, so no cereal.”

“Eggs and sausage sounds fine. Much better than I usually eat, to be honest. I’m a Poptart and take-out kind of guy.”

“My Ma would kill me if she thought all I was eating was Poptarts and take-out.” Carlos winked, and was happy when Jensen smiled back.

Jensen said, “Your Ma is a class act. That Thanksgiving dinner was the best I’ve ever had.”

“Ma would be thrilled to hear it. If you have time, you should come over again while we’re back.”

Jensen just said, “Maybe,” and Carlos let it go. He wasn’t going to push.

Jensen checked the weather on his phone, while Carlos cooked. Apparently temperatures would rise today, but when he called Amtrak, the trains were already booked solid. He made reservations for the two of them for Monday instead. 

They sat down to eat at Carlos’ tiny table. He was just glad he had gotten a dinette set. It was the only reason he had two chairs. Jensen ate ravenously, and Carlos was mentally kicking himself for not asking Jensen if he was hungry the night before.

Afterwards they settled on the couch, and turned on the TV. Carlos figured it would be a low-stress way of spending the day together. He didn’t want to spook Jensen, and he was still interested in spending time getting to know Jensen again. The day passed pleasantly enough that way. They discovered a mutual love of Mythbusters, and a marathon of the show for their viewing pleasure. Carlos was a bit surprised at how relaxing it was. He was so used to being alone, it usually took him time to settle when other people were around who weren’t family. 

Things didn’t get awkward until bedtime arrived again. Jensen lay there ramrod stiff, with his hands in fists over the covers.

Rolling closer, Carlos gripped Jensen’s wrists with his fingers, letting his palms cover Jensen’s clenched fists. He let another small truth out, to hopefully relax Jensen. He said, “I don’t want to be alone anymore. I’m so tired of it. But I want to make sure being with you is more than that. Just bear with me. Please.”

Looking over at Carlos, Jensen whispered back, “I’m trying, but it hurts, both the hope and the despair that you don’t love me back. That you haven’t been thinking of me the way I’ve been thinking of you all these years.”

“You make it sound like you were out of sight, out of mind.”

“Well, wasn’t I?”

“No! I missed you when you left. I even almost called you a couple times, but what would I say? I still had no life, nothing to share with you. I had too much pride.”

“It’s not like I was judging you. You told me why you studied so much. I admire you for doing what you could for your sisters.”

“But it doesn’t leave room for a social life, or friends. I’m stuck for the next ten years living as frugally as possible. It’s not something to entice a lover with.”

Now Jensen rolled closer to him, and released his fists to clutch Carlos’ hands in return. “Hey. You don’t have to impress me. I told you, I’m already impressed. I just want to spend what time I can with you. That’s all.”

Carlos searched Jensen’s face, which was inches from his own. He could just make out the shadows of Jensen’s eyelashes in the light from the window. He had the sudden urge to kiss him, but didn’t know if it was too soon or not. It was still Jensen’s move. Instead he tightened his grip on Jensen’s hands, and said, “I’m sorry I didn’t get it before. I had tunnel vision. But I’m glad to be here with you now.”

Jensen smiled, soft and gently. Then he leaned forward, and brushed his lips over Carlos’. He whispered, “Is this all right?”

“God, yes,” Carlos whispered back.

Jensen smiled again, and then pushed for a deeper kiss. Carlos was already eagerly awaiting it, so his mouth opened easily and quickly. The kiss was warm and intimate, and Carlos felt cherished by it, and by Jensen. It was a heady feeling. Carlos had always stuck to his duties as an older brother, and only son; he hadn’t had much chance to indulge in pleasure for himself, except fleetingly, so to savor this was a real treat. And savor it he did. He had never before felt so sensual in his life. Each touch was magnified a thousand, and felt like the deepest caress. He didn’t rush it, or push for more than kissing. This was enough for now, and worthwhile on its own. 

Catching their train the next morning was bittersweet. It meant they just had three hours before parting. Carlos felt the imminent separation acutely. To have a taste of something wonderful, only to have it end too soon was heartbreaking. He had had so little for so long that this felt like a great loss.

They talked easily for the three hour train ride, and at the end, exchanged phone numbers, email addresses, and Skype accounts. They promised to keep in touch, and Carlos truly meant it. He knew the next steps were up to him. Jensen had carried a torch alone for years, now it was Carlos’ time to make sure it remained lit.

* * *

Once he was home from his trip, Carlos made sure to contact Jensen as much as he possibly could. He was still working two jobs, but when some annoying customer asked for pepper on his popcorn, Carlos made sure to text Jensen and start a rant, or when he finished his engineering project for work on time and under budget, he boasted to Jensen over Skype. Jensen slowly began reciprocating, but Carlos suspected Jensen was waiting for Carlos to get bored with him.

It was the exact opposite of what Carlos was feeling. Even anticipating talking to Jensen made his days fly by, and his enjoyment in life skyrocketed. He had never been happier, and it brought into stark relief just how empty his life had been previously.

Tonight he was waiting for Jensen to get home so they could Skype together. It was one of Carlos’ rare free nights, but Jensen had texted to say his coworkers had invited him out for drinks, and Carlos had encouraged him to go. He would miss talking to Jensen all night, but it was good if they didn’t just depend on each other for friendship. Of course, Carlos’ only outside interaction was with his sisters, but it didn’t mean he didn’t want was best for Jensen.

Finally around nine, Jensen pinged him on Skype. Carlos couldn’t keep the grin from his face. He answered the call, and said, “Hey you.”

“Hey. I’m so glad to be home, you have no idea. Way too much work gossip for my virgin ears.”

“Did you have any fun at all?”

“Well, I beat a guy at darts who has been annoying me with nonsense requests for the last two weeks. That was nice.” Jensen grinned wryly on camera.

Carlos harrumphed. “I don’t know if that was the kind of fun I was imagining for you. I’m sorry. I was hoping you would have a good time.”

“No, it was good I went. Made me seem like part of the group, which looks good to the bosses. They want a cohesive team. It was either this or team-building exercises.” Jensen gave a mock shudder, but kept his grin, so Carlos knew he was sort-of joking, although teambuilding exercises sounded like hell to him.

“Well, maybe next time you can duck out early. Say you have an important phone call.”

Jensen beamed at him. “I do have an important phone call most nights, this is true.”

The silence lengthened as they just smiled at each other, but then Jensen coughed, and asked, “So what did you do with your suddenly free night?”

“Just caught up with laundry.”

“That’s not very exciting, Carlos.” He even shook a finger at Carlos, making Carlos grin unrepentantly.

Carlos said, “What can I say, my life is very plain when you’re not around to liven it up.”

“You sweet-talker, you.”

Baring a bit more of his soul, Carlos responded, “I try.”

“You do. I appreciate it more than I can say.” Jensen then looked embarrassed to have said that, but Carlos was relieved.

He replied, “I know you do. And this isn’t me doing it for form’s sake. I want to try, because it’s you.”

“Well this night turned sappy, and I only had one beer, and you had none.” Jensen then went on to distract them with a joke, which Carlos was kind of glad for. He could handle only so much naked emotion at a time. He settled down in his computer chair, and let the conversation flow.

* * *

This day sucked. He had worked both jobs, and gotten reamed out at both for things that weren’t his fault. Before Jensen, he would have gone out, and picked up a guy to fuck him through the mattress to work off the tension, but he didn’t have that release now. As for this night, he had closed at the theater, so it was now past two a.m. and too late to call Jensen.

He sighed as he trucked up the stairs to his apartment. He wasn’t a big drinker, so he only had a beer or two in his fridge, no hard stuff, so he couldn’t even have a drink to relax, and he certainly wasn’t going to go to a bar without Jensen these days.

He had been feeling so good with Jensen in his life, even long-distance, that he had forgotten how much working so hard, for so little reward for himself, could bring him down. It felt foreign under his skin being alone to deal with it these days. He missed Jensen’s warmth and smile tonight, even though they had only spent two days together.

He unlocked his apartment, and changed into sweats before turning on the computer, to check his email. There were a couple from his sister Maria, who liked to share memes and cat photos, and also one from Magdalena who asked a physics question since she was taking it in high school. He answered all of the emails, feeling slightly better at the reminder of why he did all he did.

Just to be a masochist, he checked Skype, and was shocked to see that Jensen was online. He pinged him, and Jensen responded right away with a call. Answering the video chat request, Carlos said, “You’re up late.”

Jensen just said, “Yeah.”

Frowning, Carlos asked, “What’s wrong?”

“My sister just gave birth to my niece, and I couldn’t be there for her.”

Carlos wished he could reach through, and hug Jensen. “I’m sorry you couldn’t be there. They wouldn’t give you the time off?”

“The project deadline is Friday. I can have off after that, but not before.”

“I’m sure your sister understands.”

“Yeah, I know she does, but the waste of a father isn’t there, and our parents are persona non grata, so I’m the only one there for her, and I couldn’t get off.”

All Carlos could say was, “Just get through the next three days, and you will be. Probably just in time for her to leave the hospital, and when she will need you the most.”

Jensen heaved a big sigh, but looked somewhat better. “Thanks for being here for me. Who knew you would always know the right things to say?”

“Hey, you’re actually being here for me too. I had a bad day, and I was glad to see you online. I wish it was under better circumstances, but I’m happy to see you.”

Jensen frowned. “What happened? Anything bad?”

“Naw, just a crappy day. Not worth going into now that you’re here.”

“Okay, so distraction is the name of the game tonight, or this morning, rather,” Jensen said with a smile.

Carlos smiled back, and subconsciously asked in his flirtiest voice, “What did you have in mind?”

Jensen flushed prettily, shifted in his seat, and huskily replied, “Anything you want.”

Feeling hot himself, Carlos wondered if he had the nerve to reply as he wanted to. They had kissed back in December, but that was it, and since then they had just talked on Skype. This was new territory. Licking his lips, he asked, “What if I wanted to see you. All of you?”

Jensen whispered, “Holy shit,” but Carlos still heard him. He wondered if he had gone too far. Coughing slightly, Jensen carefully replied, “I could make that happen.”

Carlos released the breath he was holding. “I think you should.”

Jensen tilted his head, and looked up through his eyelashes. “What do I get if I do?”

Feeling himself get hotter, and harder, Carlos simply promised, “Anything you want.”

Jensen tilted his head further down, but Carlos could still see him grin. It was an enticing picture, and Carlos wished he had thought to take a screencap of it before Jensen moved out of frame. But then Jensen’s middle was onscreen and he was slipping off his sweats, and Carlos’ mouth dried, and he forgot all about everything else, as Jensen’s bare thighs came into view.

Jensen’s shirt came off next, revealing a well-muscled, slightly-hairy chest, until he was in just his underwear. Jensen hesitated then, his hands at his waistband, but not moving the fabric down. Carlos held his breath, his own hand drifting down to cup his cock through the fabric of his own sweats, as his posture slumped, so he could get a better grip.

He almost wanted to pinch himself to confirm that this was really happening.

Then Jensen’s hands were gripping the fabric, and stripping it down, baring his cock to Carlos’ avid view. He was only half-hard, but it was still the best looking cock Carlos had ever seen. That might be because it was attached to Jensen, but that was reason enough for Carlos. Carlos whispered, “Touch yourself,” and Jensen _did_.

Watching Jensen stroke himself to full hardness was the most glorious sight Carlos had seen in forever. His pushed his own sweats down, and began stroking his cock too. Even With the distance between Jensen and the microphone, he heard Jensen’s breath hitch, and then Jensen was saying. “Quid pro quo. Now it’s your turn. I want to see you.”

Carlos stood up, adjusting the camera as he went. He was only wearing the sweats, so they came off easily and quickly. He felt nervous, but it was Jensen, so he felt excited and on edge as well. He stroked his own cock a couple times, bringing it to full hardness. Jensen slumped naked back down in his chair, his forearm just visibly moving quickly, and his pecs right there, center screen. There was sweat glistening on them already.

He was jacking himself off to the sight of Carlos, and Carlos’ breath stole out of him. His hand moved faster on his own cock. Jensen said, “Oh, yeah. Just like that.”

Carlos synced his movements with Jensen’s, adding a twist at the end the way he liked. Jensen was breathing heavily, and Carlos could hear his slight moans through the speaker. It made him harder, and desperate for release, but it was with a deep groan that Jensen came first, white stripes of come falling on his chest.

A moan escaped the normally silent Carlos, and his hand sped up as fast as he could get it. As his orgasm overcame him, he slumped forward, one hand coming out to rest on the desk to hold himself aloft. It felt so overwhelmingly delicious, he couldn’t hold himself up for long, and instead let his weight bring him down to the floor.

He could hear Jensen calling out to him from the computer, so he waved one arm in the air hoping the camera caught it, and found his voice to say, “Give me a minute.”

Silence reigned until Carlos could drag himself back onto his chair. He knew he was grinning like a loon, but he felt fantastic. Jensen looked worried until Carlos was back in screen, and then he laughed. He said, “I guess I don’t have to ask if it was good for you.”

Carlos said, “I love you,” and them face-palmed in embarrassment. How cliché to say that after sex? Luckily Jensen just laughed more at him, and Carlos was again thankful at how Jensen had come back into his life. He grinned at Jensen, and added, “Thank you.”

* * *

Even before the Skype video clicked on for Carlos, he heard a women’s voice exclaim, “Oh my god, it is you!” 

Then the video kicked in, and Carlos wasn’t surprised to see Becky’s face instead of Jensen’s. He said, “Hi, Becky.”

“No, really, I thought Jensen had found a look-alike in some pathetic attempt at a life, but it really is you!”

“Of course it’s me,” Carlos responded, hating how unsure he sounded. Now that Becky had put the thought into his mind, he wondered how many slight, dark-haired men Jensen had slept with before. He hated himself for the thought, it was none of his business and he would never ask, but the thought still stuck a little. 

Jensen wrestled Becky out of his computer chair, until his face filled the screen, while hers peered over his shoulder. “Hey, sorry about her. She doesn’t know when to shut up.” Carlos watched as Becky hit Jensen in the shoulder for that comment, and he grinned.

“Ah.” In the background, Carlos could see Becky doing some kind of dance, and heard her say, “After Thanksgiving, I knew you weren’t straight!” He wondered, but decided not to comment on Becky’s suppositions, since they were correct after all.

Sounding hesitant, Jensen said, “So we’ll talk tomorrow, right?”

Carlos said, “No worries, of course we can talk tomorrow. I work at the theater, so it will have to be late, though.”

Jensen smiled at him. “Late is fine.”

“So I won’t keep you guys any longer.”

Becky pushed Jensen out of the chair, and said, “Hey, now. You’re not getting off that easy. I haven’t threatened to break your kneecaps if you hurt him yet.”

Carlos smiled. He loved fierce women, and Becky had always been fierce, even though they didn’t get along. He said, “Duly noted.”

“You better believe it, buddy.”

Just then Jensen retook the chair, and said, “No, really ignore her.”

Carlos couldn’t keep his laughter inside. Jensen smiled goofily back at him, and Carlos could hear Becky in the background saying, “Oh my god, don’t you two get all shmoopy on me. I can’t take it!”

Becky knocked Jensen off the chair again, and pointed her finger at the camera. “I wasn’t kidding about the kneecaps.” 

Then she disappeared, and Jensen was back in the chair. Them exchanging seats all the time was a bit distracting. “I’m so sorry for her. She was raised by wolves.”

Becky’s face filled the camera again. “Speaking of doing it like animals, do you have cybersex?”

Carlos blushed, and he could hear Jensen say, “Becky!” 

Becky was already cackling though, and saying, “You do!”

Jensen took control of the camera again, apologizing. Becky was back to shaking her booty at the camera, and making lewd gestures in the background, so Carlos just stifled his laughter, and said, “No worries. Talk to you tomorrow.”

Jensen replied, “Bye,” and the connection broke.

* * *

Carlos was both excited and nervous. After six months of emails, Skype dates, and texts, Jensen was finally coming for a week-long visit. Carlos had taken as much time off work as he could, so he would be able to spend as much time with Jensen as possible. Carlos was now in baggage-claim at the airport awaiting Jensen’s arrival.

Seeing Jensen, Carlos couldn’t keep from smiling. He started moving through the crowd towards him, getting to within ten yards before Jensen caught sight of him. A beaming smile broke out on Jensen’s face to match the one Carlos knew was on his own.

Once they were in speaking distance, Carlos asked, “Did you get taller?”

Jensen looked sheepish. “Just an inch. I’m still growing apparently.”

Carlos pulled him into a hug, which Jensen returned enthusiastically. Carlos could feel how Jensen was all solid muscle, to go with his extra inch. As he pulled reluctantly out of the hug, he said, “You’re going to be a brick-house, man.”

Flushing appealingly, Jensen continued to look embarrassed, but pleased. Carlos brushed a kiss across his cheek, near his mouth. “So, welcome back.”

Jensen turned his head so that their mouths met in a brief kiss. “Thanks.”

Just then the horn blared indicating the luggage was coming, so they broke apart with grins, and Jensen headed over to pick up his bag. Carlos waited out of the press of passengers. Once squared away, they caught the train to 30th Street Station, and walked to Carlos’ apartment.

Once home, Carlos felt his nervousness come back. He didn’t want Jensen to think he only wanted him there for sex, but oh my god, did he want Jensen right now. Just having him standing there looking delicious and built was straining Carlos’ restraint. To curb his thoughts and give him room to get himself under control, he said, “So you want to go out to get lunch?”

Looking sheepish and blushing, Jensen rubbed the back of his neck. “I was actually hoping we could stay in? Maybe _relax_?”

Carlos did a quick double-take, and looked closer at Jensen. Jensen met his eyes, and gave him a small, hopeful smile, but Carlos could tell there were things he wasn’t saying. His eyes traveled over Jensen, catching on Jensen’s crotch. Carlos could see the bulge there, and Jensen shifted, until Carlos met his eyes again. Carlos slid closer to Jensen, and decided to be honest. “I would love to be alone with you. I just didn’t want you to think that was all I had on my mind.”

Once Carlos was within reach, Jensen reached out and twisted his fingers in Carlos’ belt loops bringing him flush against Jensen, and into a kiss. Carlos wrapped his arms around Jensen’s broad shoulders, and hung on tight. Their tongues tangled for long, sensual minutes, until Jensen broke the kiss, resting his forehead on Carlos’. “I believe you, but I don’t think I can wait just to prove a point. I want you too much, and it’s been too long.”

“No need to justify it. I’m with you all the way,” Carlos responded, before initiating another deep kiss. Jensen started backing up towards the sofa, and Carlos followed easily, until they tumbled onto the cushions.

Jensen huffed out a laugh against Carlos’ mouth, but was then trailing kisses down Carlos’ neck, and Carlos was too distracted to do anything, but moan in pleasure. Jensen was also busy slipping his hands under Carlos’ t-shirt, and lifting it over his head. He hadn’t been kidding about being eager. Carlos felt overwhelmed in the best possible way.

He panted out, “Maybe we should pull out the bed.”

“Later.” Jensen was tugging and pushing Carlos further onto the couch, as he slid his tongue down the center of Carlos’ chest, stopping at Carlos’ naval, right above his belt buckle. Carlos was already gasping for air when Jensen cupped his erection through his jeans. Carlos hissed out his breath, and his hips arched up.

Jensen said, “God, I just want to eat you up.” He began fumbling with Carlos’ buckle, and Carlos would have helped, but he was too busy tugging at Jensen’s shirt. Jensen got his buckle undone, and Carlos got Jensen’s shirt half off, but then Jensen’s hands were pulling down his jeans, and struggling with his underwear. As they teetered precariously on the couch edge, Carlos had the ridiculous urge to laugh.

When Jensen lost his balance, and did fall off the couch into a heap on the floor, but with a triumphant, “Ha!” at getting Carlos’ jeans and underwear down enough to free Carlos’ cock, Carlos did laugh. Jensen looked up at him with a big grin, and twinkling eyes.

Carlos said, “Let me help you up,” as he reached for Jensen’s hands.

Shaking his head, Jensen moved Carlos’ hands away, and went back to tugging down Carlos’ clothes and shoes. “I’m good between your thighs. Trust me, there is no place else I’d rather be.” He blushed as he said it, but the wink that accompanied it was pure flirtation.

Once he had Carlos naked, Jensen nibbled bites up from Carlos’ knee to his groin, and Carlos just spread his thighs wider while biting his lip. He couldn’t take his gaze off the sight of Jensen here and getting off on getting him off.

When Jensen finally licked up his cock, Carlos was primed for it. He squirmed on the couch, trying to get closer to Jensen’s mouth. Jensen casually laid his big hands over Carlos’ hips and held him in place. Feeling Jensen’s power and control, it ratcheted up Carlos’ arousal even more, so he moaned uncontrollably when Jensen swallowed around his cock, and rolled his balls in one hand.

Jensen went to town then. Licking and sucking, his face a mask of bliss. Carlos rested his elbows on the back of the couch so he could watch avidly. When he felt himself inch closer and closer to the edge, he pulled on Jensen’s cheek, and said, “Wait, come here.”

Jensen just whined his displeasure, but lifted off Carlos’ cock with a pop and a bit of spit lingering around his lips, looking debauched. Carlos momentarily forgot what he was going to say.

Finding his voice, Carlos said, “I don’t want to come this way. I want to come with you.”

Jensen climbed up his body, putting one knee on the couch and rubbing his nose against Carlos’. “Oh, I would definitely be coming too.” He rubbed his crotch down, and Carlos’ hissed as the rough fabric of Jensen’s jeans rubbed against his sensitive cock, but he also loved the frantic touch.

Panting, he replied, “I think you would like it more if you were fucking me.”

Jensen groaned into his neck, and his whole body twitched. “Jesus. You’re trying to kill me.”

Carlos began fumbling with Jensen’s jeans’ button and zipper. “No, I’m trying to get you with the program. Help me out.”

Jensen settled back on to his knees on the floor, and tugged his own jeans and underwear down to mid-thigh. While he was doing that, Carlos grabbed lube and a condom from the drawer, and then stopped Jensen from removing his pants further by slapping the items into his palm. He said, “That’s good enough, come on, come on.”

As he wrapped his arms around Jensen’s shoulders, and kissed his jaw, Jensen just breathed out, “Yeah, all right.”

Then his slick fingers were pressing into Carlos’ ass, and Carlos was shaking because it felt so good. With Carlos’ encouraging noises, Jensen quickly built up to three fingers, and by that time Carlos was so primed and ready, he felt like he could burst.

He said, “Come on, come on.”

“I got you.” Jensen then manhandled him around so that they were both facing the wall, and lifted Carlos up and, with a guiding hand from Carlos, settled him on his lap, impaled by Jensen’s cock. They both gasped as Jensen’s cock was pulled in by Carlos’ body. 

Carlos rested for a second, gasping in giant breaths, as Jensen’s arms wrapped tighter around him, and he panted hot air into his ear. Jensen whispered, “Oh my god, you need to move now.”

Just nodding, Carlos began flexing his thighs, lifting up and down on Jensen’s slightly spread, bent legs. As he picked up speed, Jensen wrapped a hand around his cock, so that as he lifted off of Jensen’s cock, his own cock was enveloped in the welcoming warmth of Jensen’s hand. It was perfection, and Carlos knew he wouldn’t last long.

Carlos moved faster and faster chasing that edge, as Jensen murmured endearments and wonderments in his ear. Carlos had never been much for sex talk, but having Jensen encourage him, and tell him how good he felt, was really doing it for him. 

Of course their furious pace couldn’t last long, and long before he was ready, Carlos was tipping over that edge with a drawn-out moan. Jensen worked his cock like a pro as his come plastered over his chest. Then Jensen was pushing him down onto all fours, and grabbing his hips, but before moving asking, “Okay?”

Carlos, too wrung out for words, just nodded, which was all Jensen needed. Jensen’s hips snapped forward, almost pushing Carlos across the floor if Jensen hadn’t been holding so tight to his hips. Jensen only needed four or five quick thrusts before he was coming deep inside Carlos, which was good because Carlos didn’t think he could take more stimulation without flying apart.

Jensen slumped over Carlos’ back, resting one hand by his head to take some of his weight. “Jesus, that was amazing. But I think now we should pull out the bed. My knees are killing me. Thank god we didn’t get any splinters.”

Carlos just huffed out a laugh, and began stumbling to his feet to pull out the mattress from the sofa. Jensen helped, and soon they were both fully naked, cleaned off, and snuggled under the covers. They smiled goofily at each other, and Carlos petted along Jensen’s hairline as he said, “So as you might have guessed, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I did have an inkling.”

“Thanks for getting the time off, and using it to see me. I know you miss your sister and niece, so I really do appreciate it.”

Jensen said, “About that,” and looked hopeful.

Carlos raised his eyebrows, and asked, “Yes?”

“I might have set up a couple job interviews for while I’m here, so if I switch jobs I’ll take a week in-between to go see them.”

Carlos could feel the shock and hope flicker across his features, but he didn’t care. He was too busy hugging Jensen. “Really?”

Laughing, Jensen hugged back, and said, “I guess this is good news, huh?”

“Of course. The best news.”

“I wasn’t sure if it was too soon.”

Kissing Jensen sweetly, Carlos said, “Six months being apart is never too soon.”

Jensen just kissed back.

* * *

When Jensen moved to Philadelphia six weeks later, Carlos could barely contain his excitement. Jensen had easily convinced Carlos to move with him into a one-bedroom apartment since his lease was up on the old studio. It even worked out that half the rent on the one-bedroom place was lower than what he had been paying for the studio. As they lugged Jensen’s furniture and belongings into the apartment, Jensen said, “I’m going to miss that old sofa-bed of yours. We had some good times on that.”

“Such good times, we broke it. I’ve been sleeping on a lopsided bed for weeks. Trust me, you won’t miss it.”

Jensen grinned, and winked at him. “But it was worth it, right?”

Unable to keep his own smile from growing, Carlos kissed him, and said, “Absolutely.”

Once Jensen was all moved in, they settled into an easy routine. Jensen tended to stay up late, but since Carlos was still working as night manager at the movie theater, it all worked out. They both groaned when the alarm went off for their day jobs, but they took turns bringing each other coffee in bed, and it was better than nice.

It was easier to live with Jensen than Carlos had feared it would be. For all of Jensen’s chatter, he was a considerate roommate and lover. He had a sixth sense for when Carlos was feeling on edge, and gave him space. This was where the benefit of the bedroom became apparent. Carlos could hole up in there, while Jensen worked on his computer in the living room. And as time went on, Carlos found himself needing less and less time alone as he got used to living with someone who was not his family, but was quickly becoming closer than them, if that was possible.

A couple weeks into their cohabitation when they were making dinner, Jensen casually asked, “So where do you put your money for your sisters? Money market, CD, something more aggressive?”

Carlos looked at him in surprise, but said, “I just keep it in my savings account.”

Jensen said, “Oh hell no! Carlos, my friend, my lover, you need to step up your game! With interest rates so low, you’ll never get any return. I can’t do that to my money.”

Carlos shrugged, and asked, “What do you suggest?”

“At least move it to a CD, okay? The money is safer than playing the market, and it’s a better return than money market. Do you want to get a joint account for our savings plan?”

Blinking, a bit confused as to what Jensen was talking about, Carlos asked, “Our savings plan?”

“Yeah, for your sisters.”

Finally twigging onto what Jensen was implying, Carlos moved the pasta off the burner, and turned the burner off. This was a more serious conversation than he had anticipated. He said, “You don’t have to save your money for my sisters, Jensen. You can save it for yourself, or your niece.”

“I want to.” Jensen looked stubborn.

“But you don’t have to,” Carlos could only repeat in confusion.

Jensen huffed out a breath and crossed his arms. Looking defiant, he said, “Look, maybe it’s different for you, but in my mind you’re my family just like my sister and niece. I want to share your burdens; it’s my job as your boyfriend.”

Carlos was at a loss for words. Finally catching one stray thought, he said, “It isn’t different for me. You’re my family too, but that doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice for my sisters.”

“But I want to. I want to do this _with_ you, not just stand by, and watch from afar.”

“But why? I don’t understand why you would sacrifice so much for my sisters who you only met once.”

“Because I know how you love them, and I love you.”

Still thrown by the conversation, Carlos said, “I wanted to say it first.”

Looking confused, Jensen asked, “What?”

“I love you. I wanted to say it first.”

“Well, technically, you did,” Jensen replied with a smirk.

Rolling his eyes, Carlos abandoned the stove, and wrapped his arms around Jensen. “I meant for real.”

Jensen held him close, and said, “So if we love each other, we share each other’s burdens.”

Carlos frowned, and stared into Jensen’s eyes. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“You’re not, we’re just… a unit now. We do things together. Support each other.”

Carlos asked, “Are you sure?” but he knew the answer already, and finally got what Jensen was saying. They were family now, their little unit of two, and family helped each other, which was something Carlos had always known. He thought of Jensen as family, but had been thinking of him as separate from his original family, and that wasn’t fair to Jensen or them. He felt slow and stupid for not having realized it sooner.

Jensen said, “Sure that a savings account is a terrible place to store your hard-earned cash. Absolutely.”

Carlos thwacked Jensen lightly on the shoulder, but he was smiling. “We’ll go and get a joint account tomorrow, and you can manage the money. Put it in a CD or money market, or whatever. Will that make you happy?”

“Ecstatic,” Jensen said, and he actually did look thrilled.

Carlos kissed him, and whispered against his mouth, “I love you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Jensen just whispered, “Ditto,” back.

* * *

**~~~Epilogue~~~**

When the youngest of them graduated from medical school, even Carlos had tears in his eyes, although he pretended his eyes weren’t glassy when Jensen looked over at him knowingly. Watching Rosa get her diploma, all he could think was, “I can’t believe we did it.” All four sisters had gone on to graduate school. There were now a lawyer and two doctors in the family. Maria, the rebel of the siblings, had gone on to get a Master of Fine Arts, and was pursuing painting, her true love.

Carlos was just happy they were all fulfilled and happy themselves. It was a bonus that they weren’t overburdened with debt to start their lives.

When Rosa came bounding to the back of the auditorium to where they were waiting, Carlos wasn’t prepared for the way she headed straight for him, and practically tackled him with her hug. She said, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She was crying.

All Carlos could do was hug her tight and whisper, “Of course. Anything for you, you know that.” He could feel one of his own tears slip free, but he didn’t care at that point.

Rosa didn’t pull out of the hug, so Carlos continued to pat her on the back, and looked around desperately as she wept quietly into his shoulder. No one rescued him, instead his other sisters joined Rosa in a group hug around him. By the time the last one joined them, Carlos was too choked up for words, and just let his sisters hug him, and whisper their thanks.

Finally his Ma spoke up, and started pulling the weeping, but happy sisters off Carlos. Carlos almost felt bereft without them there to shelter him in his emotional state, but the then Jensen stepped up, and casually wiped the tears from Carlos’ face. He said, “You done good.”

Carlos just buried his face in Jensen’s shoulder, and was glad when Jensen wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. He whispered, “I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.” It was the truth. Without Jensen to bring him joy and happiness, he didn’t think he would have survived the last fifteen years of saving every penny for someone else’s happiness, even if it was his beloved sisters.

Jensen pulled him in tighter, and Carlos could feel the smile Jensen pressed to his hairline. Feeling playful, Carlos said, “Time to start saving for your niece, no?”

Jensen barked out a laugh, and lifted his head so he could nod with a big grin on his face. Carlos matched his smile with one of his own, and then they were kissing to hoots and hollers from Carlos’ sisters. He had never been happier.


End file.
